Now-a-days, many people started asking me, ‘How is married life?’. The shortest answer I can give is: “Look at the change in my e-mail’s signature”. For those who didn’t notice it yet, it has changed from “I drink, therefore I am” to “Talking between men and women never solves anything. Where we think, they feel”.
Things are much different now. One classic example is the way I look at purchases. Earlier it used to be simple. All I have to do, is browse over the T Shirt section and find a nice looking one and try it. If it fits, buy, else reject it and keep searching. Same for a jean. Either blue or black ones which fits me. Now this simple algorithm is no more applicable. It’s become much more complex than the Google’s page rank algorithm. I cannot explain it in a blog. Not because I’m going to submit a PhD paper on the subject to MIT or CMU, but because of the simple reason that I don’t understand it.
I thought I’d write down the conversation between me and her during her saree purchase. But then real is just real and doesn’t taste without any unreal added to it. So naduvula angangae maane, theane, ponmaane ellam pottu, I’ve spiced up the real conversation. It’s up to you to guess which part of the below is real and which is not. Since it’s a mixure of real and unreal, I’m borrowing Ferrari’s He-She characters here. (Hope he won’t mind!)
In a saree shop:
She: innaiku vanthu fulla unnoda choice than. seria?
He : kattayama. ennoda alagikku supera oru pudavai select pannaren par.
She: (konjam poi kovathoda) athu yaruda alagi? nee enaku than pudavai eduka vanthu irukennu nenachen?
He : hee, hee. nee than enaku alagi. unna thavira vera yaru?
She: athana parthen.
He : unaku blue, green ellam nalla irukathu, red illa orange colorla saree edukalam. ok va? (to the salesman) konjam red, orange color saree ellam eduthu kudunga.
She: aiyee. nee yum unnoda tastum. enaku red color pidikave pidikathu. (to the salesman) neenga purple bluela greeen kalanthamathiri shadela sarees eduthu podungalen.
[Note: Males are color blind. Of course with a little effort they can distinguish between dark blue and grey, but can’t differentiate between greenish blue shaded purple and bluish green shaded purple. In fact they don’t even know the names of more than 10 colors]
He : intha first pudavai nalla iruku illa?
She: ei. enna nee. first eduthu kaatura dressa yaravathu udane select pannuvangala? innum neraya pudavai parthutu than select pannave aarambikanum
He : hmmm. munna pinna pudavai eduthu iruntha ithu ellam theriyum
She: (to the salesman) kasa kasa innu design illama simple designa irukanum, kattuna nalla granda theriyanum. antha mathiri sarees eduthu podungalen.
He : (in a nakkal tone) simple and grand – rendum opposite illa?
She: aiyooo. looseada nee? design simplea irukanum. aana atha wear pannana, namma granda theriyanum.
He : ohh. appadiya. ippo puriyuthu.
[Note: Males are the most simplistic poor creatures you can ever meet. They are programmed to respond only to boolean values and this kind of fuzzy logic is really too much for them. If they immediately say that they understand, it means they would never get it. If they argue for a while and then say ‘oooh! appadi solla variya? ippo than intha visayam en mara mandala eruthu’, it means they realize that either they can’t understand the logic or they can make you understand the reality]
(the search continues for more than an hour, and meanwhile someone else is looking at the saree, which is first saree He and She saw)
She: antha saree onnu mothalla eduthu vachen illa, atha edunga.
He : athu nalla illannu sonniye, reject pannineyema
She: illapa. appave naan select panniten. vera nalla design ethachum iruntha atha eduthukalamnu nenachen. but vera ethuvume nalla illapa. so athaye namma select pannikam. ok va?
He : enaku ennamo antha color pudikave illa theriyuma? antha pakkam light orange shadela oru …
She: konjam summa iru. unaku saree parkave theriyathu. unna ellam naan saree vaanga kootitu vanthen paaru. neenga itha sareeya pack pannuga sir.
Salesman:intha blowse material cut panni eduthudilama madam?
She: illainga. vendam. naan tailor kitta kuduthu eduthukuren.
[Note: If He is lucky and has done some good things in his mundina piravi, the saree comes with an attached blowse. Else finding a perfect match for the saree is really hard. Sometimes the saree, which She would select after an through search of more than hour, will get rejected simply because there is no “perfect” matching blowse]
Coming out of the shop…
He : parava illa. oru valiya two hourslaye shopping mudinchuthu. oru nalla hotel ikku poi supera oru chicken briyani onnu vettitu, padathuku ethachum polama?
She: ennathu shopping mudinchutha? enna vilayaduriya? innum sareeiku matcha in-skirt vaanganum. apuram valayal, kammal, hair band, nail polish ellam vanganum. athu poga intha saree design ikku etha mathiri enkitta chappala illada. athuvum onnu vaanganum. enna nee ippave saapida polamnu sollara?
He : huh? ithana iruka? (thinking for a while and finds there is no other go) seri. ithula enna iruku. vaa. nee solli naan vaangi tharama poyiduvena. poi purchase pannalam. movie innoru naal parthu kitta poochu.
After all the purchases are over & back home, He is exhausted and sitting in the sofa.
She: intha saree color paren. enaku nalla iruka enna?
He : supera iruku pa. naan kuda unaku blue shade ellam suit aagathunnu nenachen.
She: illa da. ithu suit aaguthu, but enaku ennamo nee sonna mathri red illa orange innum nalla suite aaguminnu nenaikaren
He : aama. athula nee innum romba alaga iruapa theriyuma?
She: enaku ennamo nee sonna antha light orange shadela iruntha sareeya vaangi irukalamo innu thonuthuda. thappu panniteno?
He : (in a consoling voice) illa di. parava illa vidu. antha kadaila iruntha lighting unna confuse panniduchu. ippo vaangiyachu. enna panna mudiyum?
She: aama da. nee sollarathu than correct. antha kadai lighting than confuse pannidichu. naalaiku namma poi intha sareeya kuduthutu atha edukukalam. nee sonna correcta than irukum
He : (little confused and giving a pathetic look) illama, kadaila appadi ellam thirupi vaangika maatan
She: aiyooo, loosu. naan unna mathiri illa. vivarama, blowse cut pannave illaye. sareela blowse cut pannita than avan return eduthuka maatan. naan than atha cut pannamaye vaangitu vanthutene. so naalaiku return kuduthitu vera vaangikalam
[Note: Guys, if you are smart enough, now you know what to do when you buy a saree…]
He : (in a low voice) seri antha chappal, nail polish, kammal etc ellam enna panna? athellam return eduthuka maatane
She: unaku ethuvume theriya maatenguthuda. athellam yarachum return pannuvangala? athu ellam irukatum da. naan eppovavathu use pannikuven. naalaiku eduka pora saree ikku matcha ellam innoru set vaangikitta poochu.
He : (wanted to shout, but, in a feeble voice) seri di. nee sonna ok than. naalaiku poi sareeya mathikalam
She: innaiku than naan select panniten. naalaiku vanthu fulla unnoda choice than. seria?
[Note: now read the very first line of this conversation]
He : (with no other words to say) hmmmmmm.